"I have a son." Over the course of the last few weeks, I've found myself saying this a lot. I think about it when I wake, I dream about it when I sleep, and I even say it to others I speak to. I couldn't be any happier.
Being a control freak, as I am, I have a difficult time waiting on something as uncontrollable as biology. I can feel my son move, but I long for the moment I will get to hold him in my arms.
The last couple months have been a waiting game for my wife and I. We were supposed to find out the gender of our baby on Thanksgiving day with the rest of our family, but as fate would have it our baby wasn't quite ready to share it with us yet. They say there are things an adult should know, but that are sometimes taught to them by children. My son is teaching me perspective and to be patient...something I've never been.
Prior to Thanksgiving we scheduled an elective ultrasound to find out the gender. Initially, our little man was squirmy, covering his face, and crossing his legs. When the legs finally were uncrossed, we attempted to distinguish what our baby was, but it just couldn't be seen. We were frustrated. We were impatient. We couldn't find out yet.
One thing I learned throughout this process is that due to our necessity to let time dictate our lives, we constantly find ourselves trying to rush through life due to our own impatience. We want to be sixteen so we can drive, eighteen so we can feel independent, twenty-one so we can actually be independent, etc. We do this until we don't have much time left, wishing instead for life to slow down so it doesn't pass us by. We only get one life. We needn't wish it away before we even have the opportunity to live it.
Due to this impatience, we lose perspective of what matters. After the first ultrasound, I was disappointed because I didn't know our baby's gender. I found I was more disappointed that we couldn't tell other people what our baby's gender was. The MOST important thing was that our baby was healthy, had his mommy's nose and his daddy's belly and feet.
We did go back, with a little more luck than the first time. Little man still had his legs crossed, but it was much easier to encourage him to let us in on his secret this time as he's proven to be a very active little guy.
After the ultrasound, my wife and I ran to Party City to grab a giant "Boy or Girl" balloon, which the cashier stuffed with the pertinent color of confetti corresponding to the ultrasound information sealed tightly in an envelope we gave to her. We then rushed home to a house of people waiting to find out the results with us. After some coordination and scavenging the house for something sharp, we popped the balloon and were finally let in on the secret. Our baby was a boy!
...And our baby boy has a name! The next coolest thing to finding out we were having a baby was finally being able to address our baby by a name. Being able to personify our child, address him as a "him" and not an "it", only makes the fact that we're becoming parents that much more real.
Now our job is to prepare ourselves mentally and our house physically for the arrival of Mr. Beckett William, albeit with a little more patience and a little more perspective. At least I'm going to try!